llama’s declassified college survival guide

Hello, blogging world! Man, it’s been a while. I’m sure that you guys were worried sick about me! (Right??????????) Well, don’t worry too much, dear readers. I have not succumbed to the precarious college wilderness (yet).

When y’all last heard from me, I was giddy with excitement as I was preparing to embark on my new college adventure. It’s been, like, 5ever since that blog post, and since then, I’ve been to nearly four weeks worth of college classes! Obviously, four weeks of college has made me a college-survival expert, so I will share with you my general observations, comments and remarks, and nuggets of wisdom.

Therefore, without further ado, I present to thee Llamalindsey’s Declassified College Survival Guide. Or something like that.

(Disclaimer: I am not even a little qualified to write this “survival guide.”)

1. “High school will prepare you for college.”

Or nah.

Nothing about high school prepares you for anything about college. Be prepared for that.

2. People say that college is like this:

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But in reality, it’s not really as hard as they say it is. College seemed daunting and intimidating at first, but I was totally psyching myself out. I mean, guys, it’s definitely possible to have your cake and eat it too (which is great because I love cake).

3. Community bathrooms are super fun because girls shed more than dogs. However, that’s no excuse for you to just pull your hair out and throw it around the showers willy-nilly! Don’t be that girl.

4. Advisor: “For every one hour you spend in class, you should spend two hours studying outside of class.”

Me:

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(All I’m sayin’ is that you don’t need to spend almost 6 hours a week studying for music appreciation.)

5. I didn’t even rush, but I’m pretty sure a prerequisite for joining any sorority is owning a Lilly Pulitzer dress.

6. The washing machine will eat your quarters and sometimes your socks, and it will make you angry. Therefore, always bring extra quarters and wash your favorite socks at home.

7. “You’re in college! You should date around!”

Me:

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8. Netflix? Nope. Youtube? Nope. The internet? Nope. Wifi? noPE. Learn to live without these luxuries because university wifi will consistently let you down.

9. I have deduced that college males do not vary in sophistication from that of high school males. Also, college males in Vineyard Vines t-shirts do not vary in sophistication from that of college males in reasonably-priced t-shirts. Don’t be fooled.

10. “Make sure you’re getting at least 8 hours of sleep every night!”

Me:

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11. The freshman 15 is realer than real, and you’re probably going to overdose on soft-serve ice cream from the cafeteria. That’s okay.

12. However, you will regret the soft-serve ice cream after you walk from one end of campus to the other in 15 minutes and feel like this:

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13. If someone offers you a free coupon book, DO NOT QUESTION IT. If a random stranger says, “Hey baby, have a coupon book.” TAKE IT. YOU ARE A POOR COLLEGE KID, AND YOU NEED THOSE COUPONS.

Well, that’s about all the advice and survival tips I have to give tonight. I do hope that you are going to leave this blog better equipped to tackle the college beast. If not, that’s not really my problem. (I mean, I am only in my fourth week of classes.)

For my friendly imaginary readers, college life has been a swell life thus far! I’m excited for the great things that God is going to do in my life here at Western. (It’d be cool if He would give me a heads up, though, ya feel?) Anyways, I probably have some homework that needs to be finished or something, so it’s time bring this post to a close.

More survival tips and college nonsense to come,

llamalindsey

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One thought on “llama’s declassified college survival guide

  1. Yes!!! Thank you so much for posting this!! I’m currently a high school Junior and am already freaking out about college. This post realllllly settled my nerves…not all of them of course just the minor ones haha 🙂 Thanks again! P.s ur funny 😀

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